The following is an Interview with Jordan Harbinger from the Art of Charm School. This guy is the real deal and the Master of Social Dynamics. You can catch him on the Today Show or Sirius Satellite Radio, at PickUp Podcast or at The Art of Charm.
Kim and I did this interview from the both the male and female perspectives read my interview below and Kim’s interview here.
1. In a nutshell what is that Art of Charm School and why do we need it?
The Art of Charm is a team of highly trained dating coaches and social dynamics instructors, with an emphasis on being successful in business and life. We will teach you everything you need to know to master social interactions in all areas of your life. The classes and in field work you’ll be attending are professionally organized and personally catered to target easy application and retention of the knowledge you’ll gain. Everyone can benefit from learning to connect better with others in both their personal and professional lives. We can teach you how to get whatever you want, from a girlfriend or wife to a raise or promotion at work.
2. How does a lawyer find himself running a 21st century charm school?
I was not only sick of the Wall Street grind, but was disappointed that the so-called ‘top level’ minds in America and from abroad were merely social invalids who studied hard and worked even harder, yet had almost no social savvy and had trouble relating to just about everyone. I had already been doing the PickUp Podcast for about a year and it was incredibly popular while I worked on Wall Street doing financial law, so I figured I would begin to apply what myself and my staff of experts knew and taught to those who needed it most, and the business started to really take off. Now we’ve got several programs each week and a regular show on Sirius Satellite Radio.
3. What’s the biggest mistake men make with women and why do you think that is?
There are so many mistakes that men make with women that are shockingly simple to remedy. One of the biggest mistakes men make with women that I’ve seen very consistently over the years is the myth that women don’t like sex as much as men, and that we’re impolite or improper somehow for wanting to get intimate with a woman. This is ridiculous, and any woman who is honest with herself will confirm as much. The reason men, especially American men, hold this belief so strongly is because of the way we’re raised, mostly by women, and the myths that society projects upon us. Unfortunately, these society-bred wives’ tales are contrary to our basic biology.
4. Let’s use a real life example. A typical reader of this blog could find himself at the bar of Nikki Beach Marbella surrounded by beautiful women in Bikini’s. What are some strategies that that could get him talking and partying with these girls rather than sipping his Mojito alone or just with his guy friends?
This is a pretty common situation. Being a wallflower and propping up the bar is no fun. If you’re out with your friends surrounded by women, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be interacting and partying with all of them. Remember, they came there to socialize, not just to be seen. Contrary to what many of us are taught growing up, we’re not ‘bothering’ women by flirting and interacting with them. Women LOVE to flirt. They’ve been doing it since elementary school and are very adept at it.
Try this: interact with EVERYONE. As soon as you go to the bar, greet the doorman and get his name. Ask him how his night is going and tell him you’re going to the bar and ask if he wants a glass of water or juice or anything. I used to be a doorman and let me tell you, this NEVER happens. When it does, we remember you, and we’re thankful. That way, next time you’re in line waiting with your friends, I’ll be happy to let you in because I know you and like you. Women you’re with (and those in line) will see that happen and wonder why you’re so special.
Once inside, talk to the barman like you’re friends. Again, ask how his day/night is going, banter a little bit and get on friendly terms. When he asks what you’re having after that, tell him “barman’s choice” and ask him to make you his favourite drink. I can’t remember the last time I paid for a drink when I order like that. Tip well.
Now you’re wondering why I still haven’t told you to talk to the girls. The idea here is to cultivate social value. Women are very in tune with that and will notice that the doorman and bartender like you. Don’t stop there. Talk to everyone in sight, young, old, big, small, male or female. The more people who know and like you and that you interact with, the higher your social value in that venue. Soon enough, you’ll be able to talk to the women without seeming like you’re blatantly hitting on them, and more than likely, they’ll start talking to you or giving you signals that they’re interested. This type of basic outgoing dynamic is what allows me to walk into an exclusive New York or LA club without waiting in line, get free drinks, and befriend everyone there while becoming the life of the party. I’m not even a hyper-energetic or crazy guy. The trick is that I don’t ignore ANYONE from the barman to the busboy.
5. On the other side of the spectrum are the guys who have “too much confidence” and act like a bit of an A- hole (maybe to everyone BUT him). How does that guy get coached out of that behavior (especially if he isn’t aware of it)?
Guys who seemingly have too much confidence are more arrogant than confident. You’ll see these guys standing near the bar showing off their muscles/watch/bling, sunglasses on, not smiling. I call this “too cool for school”. Guys with this issue don’t get NEARLY as much attention as they’d like, and are often bitter about it. They seem like jerks, but are really scared to open up to people because they’re afraid they won’t be accepted. If you try to talk to them, you’ll find initial resistance but soon after they’ll be very, very happy to engage you in conversation. Being ‘too cool for school’ is awkward and painful. Trust me, I was this way before I started learning this social dynamics skillset and it was miserable!
The trick to getting out of this is to realize that people will only find you interesting if you’re interested in them first. As above, start talking to everyone and slowly allow yourself to open up to them. This is a slower process than most, because it requires that the client eventually internalize that they are interesting/fun/cool enough to be accepted and liked by others. This happens through positive feedback. In other words, it happens when they man-up, try being more open with others, and are rewarded with attention, friendship or affection from the people they open up to. We do a LOT of this at The Art of Charm during our workshops.
6. I understand that you do actual “in field” training. How does that go down and could you give us some real life stories?
In-field training is a big part of our bootcamps and workshops. While there are dozens of hours of in-class training, it’s crucial to go out with the coaches and apply the knowledge in real-life situations so that it can be tweaked, perfected and eventually internalized. We take our clients to a variety of venues in whichever city we’re holding the program (usually we have connections to get us into exclusive places, but the occasional dive-bar isn’t out of the question either!) Once there, the students are pushed outside their comfort zones and encouraged to apply their new skillsets, all under the watchful eye of our coaches. This ensures that when the client goes back home, they’ll be able to make real, lasting change in their lives as opposed to merely having a notebook full of useful information collecting dust on the nightstand.
We’ve had so many success stories here at The Art of Charm, such as older clients (oldest client so far is 63 years old) meeting future wives and girlfriends, virgins going home non-virgins, and tons and tons of relationships as a result of our programs. A few extreme cases I remember off the top of my head include one client getting a job offer at Goldman Sachs, one of the most prestigious companies on Wall Street, after meeting a hiring partner during an exercise, and another client who’d never approached a woman at a bar before and ended up going home with two women and enjoying a nice, long night and morning with both of them.
7. I’m sure we can all improve in the area of Social Dynamics, but are there just some people that have “natural confidence” and don’t need coaching? Conversely are there people that you just can’t help?
There are plenty of people who have natural confidence, but everyone can use coaching. All of our expert coaches are expected to continue to grow as people and learn to master new areas of their lives. Some of our best Attraction coaches are learning business networking from our business and success coaches, and vice-versa. Our programs encompass so many facets of life that there’s something for everyone.
There are always people who think they don’t need coaching, and, ironically, it’s them who usually need the most help, because they can’t even see their own shortcomings and mistakes. Unfortunately, those are also the people that we really can’t help. It’s much easier for us to help someone who is really socially awkward and KNOWS they’re socially awkward than it is for us to help someone who is not getting the results they want but blames other people and can’t understand why others don’t find them as amazing as they find themselves.
8. My personal observations (especially when I travel abroad) are that the Masculine and Feminine roles are much more clearly defined outside of the U.S. It seems that the Clark Gable Masculine American man of the 50’S is long gone and has morphed into a khaki pants wearing P**Y in the 2000’s. Also, the sexy feminine American woman has turned up a bit more masculine. Is that your observation as well and if so why do you think that is?
I agree 100% -the roles of men and women seem much more clearly defined outside of the US. People here are so confused by what their biology tells them to do, what they ‘think they want’ out of life, and what society is forcing upon them. I know plenty of women who’d be happy homemakers and raise great children but feel like they have to use their college education to be a CEO first, then try to raise a family on top of it all, and meanwhile all they think they want to do is not get married at all because there’s so much pressure and consequence riding out the outcome! It’s a shame, and men fall into a similar trap. The social landscape of gender roles has changed a lot over the past few decades, and it’s done some serious damage to our socio-cultural ‘navigation’ systems. There are plenty of benefits that go with being empowered and presented with options, but problems arise when other people’s agendas start pressuring people into lifestyles, goals, and outcomes that don’t mesh with their biology and actual desires.
9. What’s the most asked question every guy asks and what’s the answer?
Most guys, when they first come to us, ask what they should say when they approach a woman. The short answer is, it doesn’t matter –at all! It’s not what you say but how you say it. Body Language, Vocal Tonality, Eye Contact, etc are all elements of physical confidence that need to be in place before you can consistently enjoy success with the opposite sex. Armed with the best ‘pickup lines’ (if there is such a thing), most guys will simply embarrass themselves. I’ve approached women with the most ridiculous, nonsensical comments one can think of, sometimes not even in a language they understand, and still been able to engage her, because the necessary elements of confidence and social savvy are in place.
10. What’s the question that every guy should be asking and what’s the answer to that question?
The answer to the above question might have given the astute reader a clue, but the most important questions guys should be asking is how they develop the elements of confidence necessary to get whatever they want in their personal and professional lives. Of course, that’s the topic of our hundreds of hours of curriculum here at The Art of Charm.
11. If you had to pick a celebrity that embodies the type of confidence you teach guys -who would that be and why?
There’s no one celebrity that embodies everything we teach. James Bond, George Clooney -even Donald Trump (for our success and business principles courses) have something to offer. Modeling yourself after a celebrity can help you hone some aspects of your persona, but the last thing you want to be is a clone of someone who’s a product of a totally different lifestyle and environment than the one you’ve been raised in. We teach you to bring out the best version of yourself, which is crucial to lasting success in any area of your life, personal or professional.
12. If you had to sum up what the top 10% of your most successful graduates do that makes them irresistible- what would that be?
The most successful graduates of our programs are definitely those who apply the knowledge and skills they learn in the program to every aspect of their lives once they leave. These are the students who take every experience, good or bad, in stride and learn from it. These students have a success and growth-oriented mindset and realize that they’re only at about 10% of their potential, and constantly strive to improve themselves. They lead more exciting and fulfilling lifestyles, and are happier as a result. Passion and zest for life are an everyday reality. This is what makes them extremely attractive to women and everyone around them.
13. How can our viewers get in touch with you?
The Art of Charm is available on the web at The Art of Charm and we’ve got hundreds of hours of free audio at PickUp Podcast as well. Likewise, if you subscribe to Sirius Satellite Radio, our show, ‘Game On’ is on every Friday at 11am EST. Check the website The Art of Charm for details. For some, the easiest method will be by phone at +1.917.720.4104 or via email at firstname.lastname@example.org. We’re very, very good about getting back to people who contact us, so don’t be a stranger!
Here’s a short video (below) of the gus on the today show.
We just returned from Buenos Aires. We’ve learned the Tango from the best, shopped in BsAs answer to Rodeo Drive and Soho, dined in hidden restaurants and partied till 7am with the BsAs elite! The video, photos and The List: Buenos Aires should be available soon. Be sure to sign up for our newsletter to get the insider BsAs information first!